I remember the first time I had a Carmel Frappachino. I had never had the desire to have any type of coffee before then, but this coupon came in the mail to try it out for just ninety nine cents. Five minutes later, I was zipping around the supermarket with my heart pounding out my chest all while licking the bottom of my cup. I went home and scrubbed down all three bathrooms, did six loads of laundry, and rode my husband like the wild wild west. It was like I was on crack. There was, in fact, a time when cocaine was inside coca-cola bottles so I wonder. Anyway, I loved it. I hated the headache when I came down, but I couldn’t wait to have another. However, I didn’t want to pay four bucks for it even though my husband tried to convince me that it was a worthy investment. On the other hand, there are those of you who have maxed out visas courtesy of your neighborhood Starbucks.

The people feeding you the information on how one or two cups of coffee a day is good for you work for Starbucks. They know you’re going to drink more than two cups and most of you have bigger cups than others. It’s called marketing. I suggest we start marketing caffeine patches to ween people off. There should also be twelve step treatment centers for coffee addicts around the world. However, since there’s not you can start by working on the fist few steps right now. 1. Admit that you are powerless over your double shot espresso and that your life has become unmanageable. 2. Come to the belief that a Power greater than yourself can restore you to sanity. 3. Make the decision to turn your will and your life over to the care of God as you understand him/her. Which means you should stop praying to the two-tailed mermaid in the Starbucks symbol. She’s not going rain down free coffee for all who worship her.

Once you make that brave step forward to quit drinking coffee you are going to go through caffeine withdrawals. The symptoms include irritability, restlessness, and muscle stiffness. The heavy drinker experiences chills and nausea. No matter how bad it gets, trust me you will be better for it. Nothing on this earth should have that much power over your mind, body or spirit.